Feb 27, 2014

when everything goes wrong

By julie"anne at 4:52 PM
I don't know if my hormones are acting up, or everything does actually go wrong, or my patience has just dried up from the waiting. The thing is I am very much disappointed.

After three months I sent my tailor the cloths I want to make into maternity dresses, the results are very disappointing. I just hate every single piece I get. Or maybe I just hate maternity clothes. That explains a lot, why I hasn't bought any. Or maybe the results of a three-month labor are just disappointing.

The cutting is wrong, the shape is wrong. I just hate it. Maybe I just hate being oversized. But I know, everything is just so wrong, that's why I hate it.

Feb 26, 2014

29th week antenatal check up - the bad nurse

By julie"anne at 3:30 AM
It is still at the same place as before. But not all the nurses are as kind. This particular one acts like a, umm I don't know how to say it. She is like a very, very strict disciplinary teacher and I am like the one who always creates troubles.

Well, it is not like I want to be in trouble. But how do I know if my Hb counts are still low, after I take the medication as instructed. She doesn't get to be so bitchy about it. I too tried my best to get better. And there she is, lecturing like I am neglecting and risking my own health. What a total B. 

Feb 24, 2014

28th week - the third trimester begins

By julie"anne at 6:32 PM
I am now in my third trimester. It is the third already? what, what!

If it is school, it is the final stage, when all the feelings including excitement and depression mix together and add up the stress.

My body is energetic.No more morning sickness and fatigueness. I still need some afternoon nap, though. But that's all. I can cook, bake, clean the house. The only limitation is my growing belly. It is very exciting to feel the kicking sensation. But growing belly means I am growing out of most of my clothes. Buying new outfits is of course out of question, even though I haven't bought any maternity dress yet. I would rather spend on our little prince's things and the preparation after his arrival.

I had actually bought some cloths and sent them to my tailor. They are not ready, just yet, even after 3 months. I was so stressed out about it, but decided not to make a big deal about it. But my collection of wearable good dresses is quite limited. So, I reserve those dresses for school and other occasions, that need me wearing them. Of course I don't wear them to pasar tani. What the heck?

I am struggling with this issue. My only way is to mix and match my wardrobe, while still maintaining my modesty. But my ever growing belly will still show, no matter how big my dress is. It tore my heart when I was being compared to another girl in his family, who just delivered. At my stage of pregnancy, she was all heavy and stuff. Wearing an abaya didn't make her look lighter at all. But to the eyes of the elders, it somehow did. What can I do? I don't have many abayas to begin with. And abaya is not the only solution to aurat covering. For me, as long as it offers enough covering, it is enough. Why on earth should you say, 'kalau pakai macam si X tak nampak mengandung. Tau-tau dah beranak je' What a total bullshit!

When we met her few months back, daddy was all concerned if I would look like her once I hit that stage of pregnancy. Not that I care, well, so much. But I think I look good with my new curves. And many people told me my belly isn't that big.

I am a proud mommy-to-be. My baby is healthy and growing inside of my belly. Why should I hide him? He is my hero. Can't I just be comfortable in my own way?

It is not like I can't accept advice from the elders. But a comparison never works on me. Plus the comparison was all bullshit. It's not like I have never seen her when she was pregnant. 
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