May 29, 2014

The birth

By julie"anne at 4:21 PM
My due dated was on the 14th of may. But the baby decided to stay longer in mommy's tummy because he loooves his mommy sooo much. Everybody else was so impatient. They kept asking mommy and daddy if the baby was coming yet. But mommy and daddy were quite cool. We just took our time before the baby's arrival to pamper each other. Because we were afraid once the baby's here, we wouldn't have the chance to do so. 

So on the 15th the clinic sent us to the hospital, since the scan showed the baby wasn't engaged yet. The estimated the baby's weight was about 4kg. And that was big. We went to the Ampang Hospital and they checked me up, released me, because they said I was still good to go. After the check up I was bleeding, which according to the nurse, was actually normal. With that, they sent us home. 

The bleeding didn't stop until the next few days. I wasn't that worried. I didn't know why. I consulted my doctor friend on the 19th and she adviced me to go to the hospital, as shd was afraid that would be the sign of labour, which turned out to be exactly it. But I was only 1cm dilated and I didn't have to be warded yet. 

Once again they sent us home. That evening I was too bored. Daddy took us to Ikano and we had a very good time buying promotional stuff at cold storage. We had fried chicken that night for only MYR 2 for 4 pieces! What a bargain!

We went home late that night. Around 10 pm we were home. I went to the bathroom to wash up. I was quite exhausted from the walking and shopping. After doing no 1 suddenly I felt something splashing from down there. OMG my water broke! I called daddy. He was on the phone with his mom, Wan. So Wan was the first person to know about this. 

So we went to the hospital and I was admitted right away. But I didn't go into labour yet, since I was only 1 cm dilated. We still need to wait. The doctors came and told me the procedure, that if 18 hours after my water broke I still didn't go into labour, by myself, they will give me some antibiotic. And after 24 hours my water broke they would induce me if I still didn't go into labour. 

The waiting game began.

May 5, 2014

on being (super) emotional

By julie"anne at 3:36 PM
I am afraid of not being able to hold my baby at the end of this pregnancy. That's my biggest nightmare.

When people keep 'offering help' to take care of my baby, and trying to take him away from me, I just get even more scared. It is okay, if they are just giving us an option. But when they keep repeating that 'option' even from as early as my 3 month pregnancy, I get so annoyed. As if I am not capable of being a mother. As if I do not have rights to mother my own child.  As if I don't have what it takes to be a mother. Why on earth do they do that to me?

Maybe I am just being super emotional and paranoid. But if things get repeatedly told to you, you will feel the same.

Please don't take my baby away from me. Or I will not hesitate to take him even further from here. I could apply for PhD in the UK and live with my baby there, even without daddy. I am willing to sacrifice anything, including this marriage, if this doesn't stop. 

Baby

By julie"anne at 7:35 AM
Just the thought of not having my baby after the delivery realy terrifies me a lot. I wouldn't know how to deal with that situation, if that would ever happen. There are possibilities, though. I dare not to imagine that.

When everyone says, let me take care of your baby, while you go to work, etc., I couldn't be more thankful, but they are unfortunately not in kl. That means I have to give my baby away. And that really disturbs me so much. When I say no, that means no. Stop asking again, and again, and again. Unless you are willing to move in with us, I am not giving away my child. That's it. I am willing to lose my future and career. Not my baby. 
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