Aug 29, 2014

My very own superhero

By julie"anne at 3:03 AM
When we were young and playful. Don't worry, we are still young and playful. Plus, we just added one more player to the team. Yeay!

Turns out you are really my superhero, knight in the shining armour, my prince charming from the kingdom of far, far away. You saved me from my own world, you make me smile when I really want to cry, you even let me cry in your arms and then make jokes so I will stop crying. You simply make the pain disappear.

Thank you for being such a great friend when we were 'just friends'. Thank you for being a great lover and husband. Thank you for being a great father to our son. Thank you for simply being you. You are the best version of you. 

You love me for who I am. You accept my family as they are. You make me realise, while money is indeed important, it is really not everything. Things can and will break. People will change. We grow together, yet we are still the same playful kids 7 years ago. 

I love you. 

Happy birthday, sayang. 

Jul 12, 2014


By julie"anne at 1:02 AM
All this while the ustazs would tell you about mothers' milk and to be obedient to them because they gave birth to us and breastfed us. I didn't quite understand why they even stressed at that point, until now. Yeah I got it, it is not easy being pregnant, and giving birth is not that easy as well. But breastfeeding? Now that I have experienced it myself, I finally understand.

It is not only about milk. It is about life, love and energy in every bit of the milk that gets into our body and becomes parts of us. Breastfeeding is not as easy as it seems to be, at least to me. 

Being pregnant, as burdensome as it may sound, you can at least still sleep at nights, or even during the day, (well, for some people who are lucky enough, including me). I didn't have any trouble sleeping during my pregnancy, except when I had to wake up to puke or pee. That was still bearable. And that was only for like couple of months. And then comes the labour part, which it not exactly the easiest, but that only lasts for a couple of hours or days in some less fortunate events.

But breastfeeding needs full commitment. I don't say mothers who feed their children formula milk are not commited. But breastfeeding is like pumping your energy into your child's body. Yes, mothers who don't nurse their children still wake up in the middle of the night to feed them and change their dirty nappies. But as the babies suck the milk out of you, it's like they suck along your energy. You will be exhausted. And you have to wake up again (only if you could fall asleep) and get your energy sucked out yet again every two hours. It is indeed a tiring process. While breastfeeding might sound easy (yeah, it is portable and automatic milk maker. It is not like you have to get out of your bed and prepare formula), but it is actually much harder than being pregnant. 

You have to deal with fussy baby, or in my case, sleepy baby. Yes, I have to wake my baby up, while I am pretty pooped out, myself. But if I didn't do that, he wouldn't have enough and it would lead to another problem. That's why I have to wake him up, especially during those times when his jaundice was still high. That was quite a challenge for me. I was still in confinement and the baby was always sleepy and drowsy because of the jaundice. 

I am lucky Luqman Aiden is not a cryer. But I still have to wake up at nights, or even stay up all night to wake him up every two or three hours to make sure he is fed enough. When you don't get much sleep you'll be even more tired. That is why I am so tired these days. 

Now I get it. 

Jul 11, 2014

Being a mother

By julie"anne at 12:37 AM
It is really tiring, but also very rewarding. The first few weeks, was so relaxing. Mama was here and the baby was so good. He is not a cryer, that is forsure not from me, really. (Update: I have been told that it IS indeed from me. I used to be such a good baby, haha) The second week he was admitted to the hospital for jaundice. Thank god it wasn't so bad. We stayed at the hospital for two days. The first night he got his phototherapy. The next morning he got a bit better and the doctor decided to stop the treatment, but we still needed to stay. The baby was so dehydrated. The first few days the baby slept throughout the day and didn't 'eat' much. That was because of the jaundice. We didn't know we had to wake him up. That's why he was dehydrated. Thank god it wasn't that bad either. The next day we went home. 

He wasn't entirely healed from jaundice when we went home. We still had to do some follow ups. But that was good enough for me. The baby is getting healthier and stronger each day. Alhamdulillah. 

He sleeps very well. Especially when there are visitors. Well, he is an infant after all. What do you expect from an infant? As I say before, he is not a cryer. Even when he wakes up at nights, he just makes some noise that wakes only me. Daddy is undisturbed and can sleep. That is good, because he needs to go to work in the morning. 

He is now a big boy already. He responds to us, smiles and acts so cute. Oh my goodness, I'd kill for his smile. 

Everybody loves him. I just want him to know, how lucky he is. As for me, I can't believe still, that I am a mom already. It is indeed very tiring, yet so rewarding. I love you, Luqman Aiden bin Mohd Zulkhairi. 

Jun 7, 2014

The birth - part 2

By julie"anne at 2:15 AM
Hubby already took the day off from work. He visited me in the afternoon, at which I started to feel the pain. I asked him to tell the nurses. They then checked me. By that time I was 3 cm dilated. 

The specialist did the rounding and decided to send me to the labour room. Wait, what? I'm in labour, already? I was a bit panic, but just went along with the procedure. Thank god there was hubby by my side. 

Around 4-5 o'clock they pushed me into the labour room. The pain was getting stronger. I had to ask hubby to ask the nurses to give me some pain killer. I wanted epidural, unluckily, they only offer that during office hour. Can you imagine that? 

I lost track of time. I didn't even remember what happened in there. I remember trying hard to push the baby out and being scolded by the nurses for 'not trying hard enough'. I remember telling hubby that I was not strong enough and wanted to just give up. He encouraged me to try even harder but I just couldn't. 

Then came a male doctor, with a strong and loud voice. It kinda gave me the energy. With just a couple of pushes the baby of 3.89 kg was born at 10:58 p.m.. Big and healthy. 

Indeed, it was so painful, but still bearable. And as I was hitting the point, where the pain became unbearable, Allah sent help, which was in the form of a strong voice. That's why when people ask, if it's painful (duh~), I would say no. It is still bearable. I used to be that girl, who asked such question. And most answers would terrify me. Except when I talked with Yasmin. She told me exactly like I said. Indeed she was right. And the pain was actually worth it. 

May 29, 2014

The birth

By julie"anne at 4:21 PM
My due dated was on the 14th of may. But the baby decided to stay longer in mommy's tummy because he loooves his mommy sooo much. Everybody else was so impatient. They kept asking mommy and daddy if the baby was coming yet. But mommy and daddy were quite cool. We just took our time before the baby's arrival to pamper each other. Because we were afraid once the baby's here, we wouldn't have the chance to do so. 

So on the 15th the clinic sent us to the hospital, since the scan showed the baby wasn't engaged yet. The estimated the baby's weight was about 4kg. And that was big. We went to the Ampang Hospital and they checked me up, released me, because they said I was still good to go. After the check up I was bleeding, which according to the nurse, was actually normal. With that, they sent us home. 

The bleeding didn't stop until the next few days. I wasn't that worried. I didn't know why. I consulted my doctor friend on the 19th and she adviced me to go to the hospital, as shd was afraid that would be the sign of labour, which turned out to be exactly it. But I was only 1cm dilated and I didn't have to be warded yet. 

Once again they sent us home. That evening I was too bored. Daddy took us to Ikano and we had a very good time buying promotional stuff at cold storage. We had fried chicken that night for only MYR 2 for 4 pieces! What a bargain!

We went home late that night. Around 10 pm we were home. I went to the bathroom to wash up. I was quite exhausted from the walking and shopping. After doing no 1 suddenly I felt something splashing from down there. OMG my water broke! I called daddy. He was on the phone with his mom, Wan. So Wan was the first person to know about this. 

So we went to the hospital and I was admitted right away. But I didn't go into labour yet, since I was only 1 cm dilated. We still need to wait. The doctors came and told me the procedure, that if 18 hours after my water broke I still didn't go into labour, by myself, they will give me some antibiotic. And after 24 hours my water broke they would induce me if I still didn't go into labour. 

The waiting game began.
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